Author Topic: Time for something funny  (Read 107653 times)

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Offline HarryN

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Time for something funny
« on: October 09, 2005, 04:50:19 AM »
OK - well, I thought maybe we need some jokes - something light hearted, non  political, etc, just light humor.

Where better to start than one suggested by my 10 year old daughter.

- Where do you go to find a beach full of waffles ?   Sandy Eggo.

OK - it was pretty basic - your turn.


Offline MR Bulk

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2005, 08:59:36 AM »
Oh, I geddit - "San Diego"!!!  Haw! :thumbsup:
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Offline Geologist

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2005, 02:26:52 PM »
This story takes place in a small village somewhere in Europe.....

There once was a man named Alexander who lived in a small village a ran a small flower shop.  He earned a modest living for his family, and everyone participated.  Both his father and his father's father had built the florist shop, and the family took pride it providing flowers for the community....

However one day, the friars from the local monastery came into the village and opened their own flower shop directly across the street.

Well, the friars were friendly, had no labor costs, and very quickly became very successful.  Everyone liked to buy flowers from the friars as they felt that they were supporting the church, and besides the flowers were very often less expensive.

Alexander soon became very concerned about the situation and went to the friars.

 "Please!" he pleaded with the friars, "You are going to put my family out of business!  We've been in business for three generations!"

"I'm sorry my son", replied the head friar, "We are doing everything we can to support our brotherhood, and sometimes the good of the many outweigh the good of the few"

Alexander went back and began to try everything to compete.  He lowered prices, tried some special promotions, etc but no matter what he did, he realized his business was now failing.  Again he goes to the friars.

"Please!", he begged the friars.  "My family will soon be starving!  I have children!  And my father and his father!  What should I tell them?"

The friars only replied, "we are sorry - maybe you should pray about it"

Well, this infuriated poor Alexander.  That same evening he went to the local tavern.  Alexander did not normally frequent such a place, but things had become out of hand.  At the tavern, he saw this man who was at least 6'4" 280 pounds!  The guy looked like he could rip a tree right from the ground.  Alexander approached the guy and found out that his name was "Hugh".

"Hi Hugh!"  said Alexander, "Would you like to earn some money?"
"Sure" said Hugh.                                                               (Hugh doesn't talk a lot BTW)
"Great" said Alexander, "Here is what I want you to do.  Tomorrow, I want you to go to the flower shop across the street from me and talk to those friars.  If they refuse to close their store, I don't care what you do - wreck it, beat up the friars, burn it too the ground.... but at the end of the day, I want them OUT OF BUSINESSS!"
"OK!", said Hugh.

So the next day, Hugh goes to visit the flower shop run by the friars.  He asked them to close down, but they refused.  He then proceeded to wreck the place, beat up them all up, and by the end of the day, they had finally closed their store.  Everything was saved for Alexander!!!


The End





What is the moral of this story?





Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars !



:rotflmao:
« Last Edit: October 10, 2005, 12:18:08 PM by Geologist »
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Offline MR Bulk

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2005, 11:21:18 AM »
:rolleye:

YEESH!!!  Man Geo, that sure was a lotta reading you made me go through just ta reach that lame punch line - so I'm goin' ta bed now...zzzzzz  :sleepy2: zzzzzz  :sleepy1: zzzzzz
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Offline mut

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2005, 08:54:03 PM »
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
>>The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries
>>and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the
>>same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the
>>order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket
and
>>pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the
ostrich
>>come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich

>>says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays
with
>>exact change. This becomes routine until, the two enter again. "The
>>usual?" asks the waitress.

>>"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato,
>>and salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress
brings
>>the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
>>Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
>>places it on the table.

>>The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
>>sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your

>>pocket every time?"

>>"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
>>and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me
two
>>wishes.

>>My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
>>just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always
be
>>there."

>>"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for
>>a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want
for
>>as long as you live!"

>>"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
>>exact money is always there," says the man.
>>The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
>>The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall
>>chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Offline MaxaBaker

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2005, 09:01:19 PM »
 :laughing7:
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Offline verbie

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2005, 02:53:08 AM »
 :laughing6:  i'll come up w/ some jokes later  :D

Offline mut

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2005, 04:03:14 AM »
Ethics Test Question...
 

This test only has one question, but it's a very important
one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you
will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be
honest, yet spontaneous.
 
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each
line.
 
You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all
around you, caused by a hurricane, with severe flooding. This is a flood
of biblical proportions.
 
You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and
you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly
hopeless.
 
You're trying to shoot career-making photos .
 
There are houses and people swirling around you, some
disappearing under the water! Nature is unleashing all of its destructive
fury.
 
Suddenly you see a woman in the water. She is fighting for her
life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer.
 
Somehow the woman looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it
is. It's none other than Hillary Clinton!
 
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about
to take her under . . . forever.
 
You have two options--you can save the life of Hillary
Clinton, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo,
documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful women.
 
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
 
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go
with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Offline Lightstream

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2005, 05:00:41 AM »
So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:
 
Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go
with the classic simplicity of black and white?

aHAHHAHAHhaHAHHAHAHAHHAAAA!! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

This one is DAMN GOOD!! (i'm a photographer, though the camera has never made money - it just COSTS money. :P)



Honest answer?

For once I'd actually switch to RAW mode (normally a lazy JPEG shooter), get that shot, and later postprocess in Rawshooter Essentials to determine whether I like black and white or color better :rolf: :violent1:
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Offline MaxaBaker

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2005, 10:57:18 AM »
 :laughing9: Very  nice! I've heard the same thing but with GWB before,,,,,,,,,,,,,still retardedly funny! :thumbup:
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Offline HarryN

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #10 on: October 12, 2005, 05:07:23 PM »
Hmmm - we are somehow straying into politics.  Come on guys, I started this thread to lighten up the Talk Story section after the recent blowup over personal opinions in economics and politics.  Quick, somebody plagarize a magazine joke or something.   :D

Offline mut

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #11 on: October 12, 2005, 09:27:10 PM »
Sorry didn't mean to make it political.  How is this one?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous.

They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons wereprobably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman
in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, just sat there wide-eyed.

So, the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,"We are in BIG trouble this time, dude.  God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Offline BuddTX

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #12 on: October 12, 2005, 09:52:49 PM »
This is from a die hard BUSH fan . . . (me!)

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"  The President is stunned and sits there, almost in tears.

Rumsfeld gasps at George Bush's display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits there, in horror, as he mourns their deaths.

Finally, Bush 43 looks up, tears in his eyes, and asks, "I gotta question, is 3 Brazillion a Higher or Lower Number than a Gazillion?"

       

Offline zackerty

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #13 on: October 12, 2005, 11:28:19 PM »
Fella says to guy at the bar.
Had a row with the missus so came out here.............you married?
No................says the man at the bar...............I lost my wife 2 years ago.
Sorry to hear that.................says the fella.
Yeah..............continues the man................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.what a card game that was!!! 
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Offline zackerty

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2005, 11:30:51 PM »
George Burns was asked at 98 if he was happy to be at the Oscar ceremony.
He replied........................Son....at my age I'm happy to be anywhere!!   :)



He said he once had a dressing room next to Goldie Horn.
He noticed there was a small hole in the partition wall, and thought should he cover it up?
Naw............he thought.........let the kid enjoy herself!!   :)