Author Topic: a nude man and a nude woman  (Read 51257 times)

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Offline Geologist

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #150 on: March 24, 2012, 07:56:22 AM »
Howdy sweet SWEEEET  :D Verbie

remember me?  >:(

Sorry :P

Love the title of dis tread  :-[

Best wishes my friend  :)

Hi Ken! Hi Verbie!
A BIG HI TO YOU, GEOLOGIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D  How are you doing?  :)

Back at ya again - thanks for all the funnies and keep'em coming!
Dragon, Ti, and Classic Chammies, Blk, Bare, & Brass LCs, Blk & Bare LHs, X990, Rayzorlite, The Torch, Mag85, MagGH24, SF C3, C2, 6P, G2, & Winelights, Peak Caribbean, Pacific, McKinnleys, + more , Exolion Ti, Orb Raw NS, SS Gatlight, Eternalights, Nuwai QIII, Inova X5THAs, X1, ARCs, + more?

Offline alijutt8

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #151 on: March 24, 2012, 12:14:49 PM »
sounds good to me will come back soon and leave further comments
ALIJUTT

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #152 on: March 25, 2012, 02:41:58 PM »

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra
 in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personal...ly thank the person who had placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #153 on: March 25, 2012, 02:43:44 PM »

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss?"...... he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one in the bar answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my hoss ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I done in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I done in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, before you go ... What happened in Texas?"
 
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #154 on: March 25, 2012, 04:06:44 PM »

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm
 and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer,
 "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."
 The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."
 The Highways employee said,
 "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want.
 See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."
 So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
 Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee
 running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull.
 The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets,
 and was gaining on the employee at every step!!
 The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #155 on: March 25, 2012, 05:19:35 PM »

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick, and he had a half empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple of minutes later, he asked the priest, "Father, what causes arthritis"?
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being ...with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he said, turned to the man and apologized. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't Father, but I just read in the paper that the Pope has Arthritis."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #156 on: March 28, 2012, 03:10:53 AM »
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment....... Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for my call."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #157 on: March 28, 2012, 03:21:08 AM »
An Arab enters a taxi cab in Dallas , Texas

Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and; in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio .

 So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the side, stops the cab and opens the back door.

 The Arab asks him: “What are you doing man?”

 The Texan answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
 So get your ass out and wait for a camel.”

You gotta love Texas

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #158 on: April 04, 2012, 04:18:40 PM »
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #159 on: May 03, 2012, 04:31:14 PM »

One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana; the next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodaux, waiting for help to come.
 
Mrs. Thibodaux noticed a lone baseball cap floating near the house.
 Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float all ...the way back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back in. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux, "Do you see that baseball cap floating away from the house, then back again?"
 
Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yes, that's my husband; I told him he was going to cut the grass today come Hell or high water!"

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #160 on: May 03, 2012, 04:33:50 PM »
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply.
 
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #161 on: May 03, 2012, 04:34:38 PM »

Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain." The women laugh and continue up to the second floor. The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome." The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome." This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign. "There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #162 on: May 03, 2012, 04:35:24 PM »
On their wedding night, the young bride told her groom, "Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. Last....if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex..."

The groom replied: "Okay sweetheart. Just make we aware that when I come home, I usually have a drink... If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not be wanting sex. But if I drink more than two.... your hair won't matter! ."

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #163 on: May 03, 2012, 04:38:05 PM »
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing
my Drums.

Offline verbie

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Re: a nude man and a nude woman
« Reply #164 on: May 12, 2012, 12:04:51 AM »
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
 
The teenager tells her 'Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!' And out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die! She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over, and that it is just not appropriate...
 
The grandmother says, 'Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.’