Author Topic: Time for something funny  (Read 188092 times)

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Offline Zymurgy

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #825 on: October 09, 2007, 04:42:39 PM »
Irish Viagra

 An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in
 reviving her husband's libido.
 
  "What about trying Viagra?", asked the doctor.
 
  "Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
 
 "Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra". It's
 when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee.  He won't even taste
 it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
 
 It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired
 as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and
  begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
 
  "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
 
  "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee, and the effect
 was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye,
 and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he
 sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters, and
 took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was
 a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
 
 "Why so terrible?"  asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
 provided  wasn't good"?
 
 "Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here,
 I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

Offline Zymurgy

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #826 on: October 14, 2007, 01:01:10 AM »
               BILLY BOB AND RUFUS WORKED TOGETHER IN A KENTUCKY CLOTHING
FACTORY; AND WHEN BOTH WERE LAID OFF, THEY WENT TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE
TOGETHER.

                  WHEN ASKED HIS OCCUPATION, BILLY BOB SAID "PANTY STITCHER; I
SEW ELASTIC INTO LADIES COTTON PANTIES."

                   

                  THE CLERK LOOKED UP "PANTY STITCHER" AND IT WAS LISTED AS
UNSKILLED LABOR, SO SHE PUT HIM DOWN FOR $300 A WEEK UNEMPLOYMENT PAY.

                  SHE ASKED RUFUS HIS OCCUPATION, AND HE SAID, "DIESEL
FITTER," WHICH WAS LISTED AS A SKILLED JOB. SHE PUT HIM DOWN FOR $600 A WEEK.

                   

                  WHEN BILLY BOB FOUND OUT, HE WAS FURIOUS!  HE STORMED BACK
INTO THE OFFICE TO FIND OUT WHY HIS CO-WORKER GOT TWICE THE MONEY THAT HE GOT.

                   

                  THE CLERK EXPLAINED, "PANTY STITCHERS ARE UNSKILLED
LABORERS, AND DIESEL FITTERS ARE SKILLED LABORERS."

                   

                  "WHAT SKILL?" YELLED BILLY BOB.

                  "I SEW THE ELASTIC ON THE PANTIES, AND RUFUS PUTS 'EM OVER
HIS HEAD AND SAYS, "DIESEL FITTER!!!!"

Offline Zymurgy

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #827 on: October 18, 2007, 05:17:22 PM »
Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's Bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!

I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents"

Offline knot

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #828 on: October 18, 2007, 08:18:57 PM »
|^^^^^^^^^^^) ||
| B e d a  z z LED | ||'""|""\___
| _____________ l ||__|_|___|
(@!)!(@)"""""**|(@) (@)**|(@)

Offline Zymurgy

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #829 on: October 21, 2007, 01:59:57 PM »
This Guy Is Pretty Funny !!!!!!

http://www.whoomp.com:80/m/3630.html

Offline regentag

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #830 on: October 22, 2007, 10:14:04 PM »
Henny Youngman lives!

That guy is pretty funny.

 :thumbup:
///rā'gən·täg

Offline Walt

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #831 on: October 26, 2007, 07:17:22 PM »
The Halloween Party

Don't Flirt at the Halloween Party!!
A wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice 'chick' he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?' He replied, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.' You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life.
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Offline arewethereyetdad

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #832 on: October 28, 2007, 04:24:12 PM »
Walt, that's a classic!  Good one!  :thumbup:

Offline arewethereyetdad

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Re: Time for something funny
« Reply #833 on: October 31, 2007, 06:59:11 PM »
Let's start a new thread.  This one's maxed out.   8)