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Topics - verbie

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Talk Story / Time to giggle....
« on: December 01, 2008, 06:19:25 AM »
I know there was a joke thread somewhere before, but I can't find it.  So, I'm starting a new one.  Hopefully y'all will add more to add some merriment.  :D

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the
toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of
rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all
the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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Talk Story / My nephew's birthday cake
« on: October 22, 2008, 04:46:53 AM »
My younger sister made this cake for my nephew's fourth birthday.  For the party, we bought a bouncer and set it in the living room.  It was the first time with that many kids in one area and no one cried.  :thumbup:


3
Talk Story / Exotic flowers
« on: October 22, 2008, 04:43:36 AM »
Here some pictures of the flowers blooming where I live.  The first picture is the lotus.  The second picture is the dragon fruit flower.  The last picture, which I got from the net to show how the fruit would look like.  After the dragon fruit flower wilts and falls off, a fruit is born.  If you pick the flower, there would be no fruit.

There's another type of flower that only blooms at night, and after that one night, it wilts.  Let me try and take a picture one day, or should I say, night.  :P







There's

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Talk Story / a nude man and a nude woman
« on: October 11, 2008, 07:22:23 AM »
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
>
> They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
> one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
> the two to life.
>
> The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
> blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
> minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
>
> He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
>
> The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After
> fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
>
> The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to
> do it again?'
>
> He asks her 'Shall we?'
>
> She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time,
> I'll hold the Pigeon down and you s**t on its head.'

5
Talk Story / QUOTE OF THE DAY
« on: October 07, 2008, 02:38:48 PM »
QUOTE OF THE DAY

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap,

you will receive more s**t than any one human being can handle'

:icon_biggrin:

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Talk Story / Dear Alcohol
« on: September 28, 2008, 05:28:35 PM »
Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a HUGE fan of yours.

As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.

The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.
While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls/Text Messages:
While I agree with you that communication is important. I question the suggestion that conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night.



2. Eating:
Now, you know I love a good meal.
But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.



3.Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.



4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot.
I ask that if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out (face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever).

The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.



Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.


In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately.


I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. (pre happy hour) on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.



Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan

P.S.




Please take e a moment or two and note the
following items below that I think may be of some
interest to you.






THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative


2. Preliminary


3. Proliferation


4. Cinnamon


THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1.Specificity


2. British Constitution


3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder


THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Thanks but I don't want to have sex.





2. Nope, no more beer or jager bombs for me.





3. Sorry but you're not really my type.





4. Good evening, officer.
Would you like a soft taco?


5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

7
Talk Story / Happy Birthday Flashgreenie
« on: May 01, 2008, 03:06:41 PM »
Happy Birthday!!!  :occasion13: :occasion18: :occasion16: :occasion15: :occasion14: :occasion13: :occasion1:

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Talk Story / Happy Birthday Geologist!
« on: April 23, 2008, 05:34:09 PM »
Happy Birthday!  Hope you'll have good one!  :occasion13: :occasion18: :occasion16: :occasion15: :wav: :occasion1:

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Talk Story / Bible belt
« on: April 13, 2008, 04:29:43 AM »
Does anyone know the term Bible belt?  I'm just curious to how many of us know that term. 

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Talk Story / hi everyone!!
« on: January 16, 2008, 04:44:26 AM »
hiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  i wasnt sure where this post would be appropriate so i decided to post here.  how's everyone doing?  it's been awhile since i've been here.  and how are you doing, Mr. Bulk?  :D

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